A long and exhausting day

Yesterday the spread came down a bit and then pushed back up and through new highs, I was doing well until about 6pm when it pushed higher and closed on a new high. I had over 60% of my maximum size on and held it overnight. My position was €250 a tick and this morning it opened up a further 2 ticks against me. I put on the rest of my size and was trying to figure out my PnL, as settlements from yesterday affect my PnL due to the fact I still had positions on from yesterday. I figured when I was printing -1200 I was pretty much at my stop. Once again I seemed to have dodged a bullet as it didn't push anymore and the spread had a 1.5 tick range for the rest of the day. I did my best to get in an out and reduce my position. I felt dizzy, tired, nervous at times... bored and excited, there was one point my PnL was going from +40 to -1000 within a minute as different prices traded but nothing moved, I was just thinking this is so insane. I had some flys on at this point which wasn't helping me relax, hence the huge swings.

Right now its trading 79.5s and I am short just 12 by 15 and printing +145, I don't have much on so my PnL is actually around this figure. I tried to picture me blogging about an amazing recovery about 10 hours ago and I couldn't picture it. It seemed too likely I was going to have to buy the euribor at so many points to stop out. These last few days and even last week or so have been incredibly tough, I don't know what to do differently other than just admit its been tough and keep on being aggressive to survive and not ever let myself hold huge positions and hope it goes my way. I have fighted to reduce my size at every opportunity and need to always make sure I continue with this attitude as it helps me out on days like this. The spread has become more volatile recently. From December to April I was out of trading and seemed I missed an easy period for spreads. In December I screwed up badly, although spreads were insanely tough to trade, I just hope it's not gonna be like that all over again, as that would mean I only got about 7 weeks of good spreading in!